My Valentine's Day Experience

This year would have taken me to the pinnacle of my love career; unfortunately, it didn’t!!!

I woke up this morning (Feb. 14) with three lovely options for a val. Lucky me right??? I have always believed in the prophecies of my pastor, Pastor … okay you don’t need to know his name. But when he said it, during our 31^st night service that somebody would be 3 times lucky this year, I knew he was talking to me and of course I responded in faith - My “Amen” was the loudest!

And so as my faith would have it, I met Mary, Blessing and Ayo (such weird combination abi?) in quick succession in January this year and they quickly fell in line – Did I tell you I was a charmer? Now it’s good you know the positions of the three ladies. Mary was the main “chick” while Blessing and Ayo were the "side chickens”! Of course you wouldn't be dumb enough to want to ask why Mary is the main chick, would you??? She was the mother of Jesus for Christ sake! How could she not be the main chick! Well, she had other “main chick” qualities though which gave her the first position – but I can’t say it here, it’s a secret no guy wants to let out! Blessing was “side chick" no. 1 while Ayo was "side chick" no. 2 – more of a corner chick though. Now Blessing didn’t know she was a side chick but Ayo had an inkling that she was a "corner chick" but didn’t complain or look too deep – she loved the monthly movies, fast food and other stuffs like that – "you know na".

I was cool with all of them until one fool came on air and announced that the elections had been postponed! I nearly died of heart attack!

30 minutes later Mary called:

Mary: Sweery, they’ve postponed the elections o… (she shouted ecstatically)

Me: Eh en… are you sure (sweating on my palms)

Mary: Yes na, check nairaland jare… pretender! (She knew me too well)

Me: (Lied) that’s good o... They finally left us to enjoy our day of romance.

Mary: So what are you getting me?

Me: Don’t worry, let it be a surprise…

Mary: Okay, see you later!

I heaved heavily and started calculating, knowing fully well that Blessing and probably Ayo would also call. I was still calculating when I saw Ayo’s ping – What’s up boo? I ignored. I was still trying to ignore (lol…) when Blessing called. Whew!!! I picked!

Blessing: Baby how are you?

Me: Not feeling too well jor

Blessing: Ah ah, what happened?

Me: I was celebrating that the elections had been cancelled when my manager called that I would be going for the audit engagement we had initially postponed because of the election – I had finished calculating.

Blessing: Oh o… That’s not good o. How are we going to celebrate our love on Saturday na?

Me: That would be when I return. (I smiled to myself and finally acknowledged that I was a badt guy; just the way Tomiwa had always called me)

The plan was actually going to work! Okay, I feel I should let you guys in on what I had planned. I had spent a lot of money on some engagements this month and so was practically broke. There was no way I could take anyone out, not even the main chick! But the main chick was understanding, that’s another reason why she was the main chick. I begged Mary that we spend the days indoors while I made her a special dish. She felt it was romantic and agreed. I told Blessing that I would be travelling and then told Ayo some flimsy lies, I knew she wouldn't care as far as I made it up to her. It was all perfect. But like my grandmother would always say, nothing can be perfect, not even perfect itself!

So I woke up this morning at 5am with a broad smile, telling the genius of my plans to my bedroom ceiling. Blessing had called the previous day and I confirmed the trip at 8am in the morning. It was supposed to be a one hour flight- I had told her. Mary should be here by 10am. I jumped up at 9am after talking to my ceiling for a while (I can be crazy like that sometimes) covered my butts and ran off to Yaba to get some stuff for my special dish. On my way back Blessing called.

Blessing: Babay… How was your flight?

(I was about to reply when a foolish bus driver and his useless conductor pulled over, shouting Ketu, Ojota, Mile 12. The useless conductor even ran to me, begging me to board the bus).

I quickly ended the call and looked at the conductor with rage but it was a little too late! She called back.

Blessing: Eh en..., So you lied abi

Me: No o… (quickly dashed through the lies in my head and found a comforting one), the flight was cancelled.

Blessing: Oh… that’s good o. I’m coming over now now

Me: (I had nailed myself) No o. To my place?

Blessing: (cuts in) No, to your fathers place, she replied hysterically.

Me: I would be busy o (I searched for logical lies but couldn’t find any). I might go to the office.

Blessing: No problem. We’ll spend a little time together then you can go to the office while I wait at your place to prepare u something. I’m coming lemme dress up. (Cuts call)

I was practically sweating now. Two pings dropped immediately the call ended. Mary and Ayo. Mary had said she was on her way while Ayo rambled some "foolish things" I didn't want to read – something about being bored and wanting to come relax at my place till I get back from the office (I had lied to her that I had to be at the office all day. I just hissed and continued my walk home, thinking of the next plot.

Immediately I got home, I texted Mary that my boss just called me to come to the office. That was 30 secs before I heard a knock on my door – It was her; plan failed. I was sweating.

Mary: Sugar babay (The way I usually called her)

Me: (Sweating) Mary I’m not feeling fine, I think I have malaria, let us postpone this thing (I was desperate).

Just then my text dropped on her phone.

Mary: (After reading the text) So which should I believe, malaria or your boss? I’ve had this feeling that you are hiding something and I would find out today. I am not going anywhere.

Then there was another knock…

My friends, this morning when I woke up, I had 3 beautiful options for a val. But as I write this story, I am still counting my losses. I can’t even call the “corner chick” anymore…

PS: Mary, Blessing and Ayo; this is fiction I hope you know. I can’t cheat on any of you!