The Loventures of Adewale

Wale’s heart was beating fast, so fast that he thought it was going to race out of his chest. His hands were sweating profusely, threatening to drown his Nokia 3310® but not as much as the ocean of salty liquid that had gathered on his chest and armpit. It was almost a minute since he got the “what is it” response to his “I want to tell you something” statement and he was still struggling to find his voice, it was another definition of dumbness. In that tense and fearful state, he managed to mumble some words after a while. “What did you say?” Kemi queried instantly. Kemi was the active and lively type, always with friends, never afraid to challenge anybody and never ashamed to utter her views. She was the opposite of Wale.

Kemi had been Wale’s Crush all his life and Kemi knew this, just the same way she knew that she was the crush of all the boys in her school, but he was not just her type. He would always look down at his shoes each time they encountered in school, too ashamed to even look at her eyes. At home, he would take painful precautions, some of which included taking a triple time detour to ensure that their paths never crossed as he was too shy to enter any conversation with her. He was never bold enough to even say hi. They began on talking terms when Kemi asked for his help in physics one Friday. Wale would never forget that conversation; it was the first conversation he had managed to secure with his one true love. He would fantasize all day about her voice and the way she had said “Hi Wale”. To him, there was love in her tone – true love. Actually, there was no conversation; Wale had only managed to make a two-word sentence throughout the duration of her interrogative request which lasted about 10 mins. He, as usual, had looked at his shoe all through the conversation and had only managed to sputter an “ok, thank you” at the end of Kemi’s “speech”. Kemi wandered at the awkwardness of his response as she was supposed to be the thanking party. She was nevertheless, satisfied that there was an “ok” in his statement.

Immediately she left, Wale’s heart leaped for joy. He rushed to his friends to tell them of his achievement. How he approached Kemi and they talked for 30 mins. He told them that Kemi was smiling through the conversation – a sign of love. His friends were envious; they wondered how he had managed to capture her love. They were all timid guys and Kemi was also their only crush. Wale was not good in Physics but he could not reject the offer. To him, Kemi was doing him a favour, a once in a lifetime favour!

Wale’s mum was surprise that he was cleaning the house and dusting the furniture on a Friday afternoon, something he seldom did even on sanitation days. When she approached him, Wale joked about it, claiming to have repented. She knew however that it was more than that. 30 minutes after the clean-up Kemi arrived. Wale rushed to the door when he heard the knock but could not open it, his heart was beating very loud and fast. It was beating so hard that his shirt rose with every beat. He stood at the door for some minutes so that his heart could settle down but it never did, so he took on his heart and proceeded to open the door, but as he touched the door knob, Kemi knocked again and his hands froze. Tired of waiting, Kemi shouted: “Is anyone home?” In his characteristic shaky voice, Wale replied and beckoned on her to come in as he couldn’t bring himself to open the door. He was still at the door when Kemi opened it and he froze further. It was the most beautiful sight he had ever seen since he was born (or so he thought). Kemi was spotting a short gown that praised her beauty and magnified her shape and that was the closest look Wale had gotten of her shape. Before now he had only managed to stare at her from a distance with his friends. They would always fantasize about the wideness of her hips and elasticity of her buttocks as it seemed to bounce inside her school uniform. He wondered what it would be and feel like without the school uniform and on very cold days he would fantasize further. Today was his opportunity to experiment!

Wale snapped back to reality at the sound of Kemi’s greeting. She had said “hi” and Wale wondered what the appropriate response is supposed to be to such a greeting. He managed at least to stammer an incoherent “welcome” then ushered her in. Kemi moved to a very comfortable couch at the extreme end of the sitting room and made herself comfortable. Wale followed her with his sight on her buttocks and his mouth agape. He was surprise that her buttocks still bounced even when she was not putting on her school uniform. “This must be a mystery”, he thought to himself.  He quickly looked up when Kemi turned to sit down and slipped his hands into his pocket to cover his shame. She however did not notice as she was busy bringing out her books from her bag; she wanted to go straight to business. Wale sat on a chair adjacent her and looked away, not uttering any word, he still was not able to look at her face since she arrived. His heartbeat had slowed considerably and he was beginning to get comfortable when Kemi suggested that he came closer so that it doesn’t look like a student teacher situation. At that suggestion, his heartbeat increased in nanoseconds and quick hot beads of sweat drooled from his forehead. He managed to change his position but didn’t get very close. He wouldn’t dare – he would just die from the unbelievability of his own luck. As the session progressed, he managed to steal a few glances, but only when she was not looking.

Wale dialled Tunde’s number immediately Kemi left and narrated his luck. Of course he painted a less embarrassing picture of himself. He even boasted that he kissed her. Tunde was astonished; he couldn’t believe that his timid friend could achieve such feats in such a timeframe. He couldn’t argue as he was not there and anything could have happened. He however knew that if there was any kissing, it would have been Kemi who kissed him and not the other way round. He cursed his luck and wondered why God didn’t bring Kemi to him instead as he felt he was more in love than his friend Wale. He asked about Kemi’s buttocks – if it bounced in her casual wear like it does in her uniform. Wale laughed and responded that it did and that he even touched it. Tunde was shocked, they had all fantasized about that buttocks and now Wale gets to win the golden prize. Life can be so cruel he thought to himself.

The next day at school Wale gathered all his friends and boastfully told his story. They listened with rapt attention and were left in awe when Wale told them that he touched her buttocks. Philip, the only person standing was already aroused and his tight school pants quickly game him up. The rest thanked their stars that they were not standing. They begged him to tell them more. He was tempted to but decided to stop before he gave himself away, promising them that more would happen as the tutorial sessions continued and they would be the first to hear. At the end of the story session, he declared that Kemi was now his girlfriend. They all congratulated him except Tunde who had been envious all day. He quickly asked him if he had asked her out and she had said yes. Tunde explained that kissing a girl was no big deal; the big boys in class openly kissed lot of girls that were not their girlfriends on a daily basis. Wale agreed with Tunde and promised to do so. He knew though that he had lied all through and the promise he made was also a lie.

The tutorial sessions continued, Wale began to get more confident around her and after a while, was able to get Kemi’s phone number. He didn’t request for it though. Kemi had collected his in case she wouldn’t be coming for any of the sessions and quite naturally, had given him hers. Wale’s love for Kemi continued to grow but he could do nothing about it. He was still extremely shy. Kemi, on the other hand was only interested in the tutorial sessions and nothing more. She was surprised when she received a call from Wale that night on extra cool. She received the call and they started chatting. As usual, she was doing the chatting and Wale was responding. There was a time he even nodded on the phone instead of voicing out his responses. They gisted for a while and Wale was pleasantly surprised by his ability to keep a conversation with a girl going for 5 minutes. He decided to push his luck further by asking her hand in a relationship.

“I want to tell you something”, he stuttered,

“What is it?”, Kemi responded, in the normal tone of voice in which they have been communicating that night. To Wale however, the tone was not normal, fear jumped in and his heart began to race. Something he thought he had overcome five minutes ago. After about a minute of heart throbbing silence, he managed to utter the words “I love you”. The words were muffled in fear and bathed with sweat. Kemi heard but wanted to be sure that she heard what she heard, so she asked;

“What did you say?”

Wale’s voice seized, and his heart raced out of his chest.  In his naïve mind, he was expecting an “I love you too” return statement. There is no going back now he thought to himself, I must prove to my friends that she is now my girlfriend. And so in one final burst of timid confidence, sweaty doggedness and a glorious rush of adrenaline that set his voice free from the chains of fear , Wale repeated the statement, hoping for better luck –

“I love you”

Kemi laughed…