The Best Way to Hide your Valuables

Some years ago, I was billed to take the Joint Admission and Matriculation Board’s Exam. I was very prepared and very sure that I would score above 200 marks, which was the minimum cut- off for progression unto the next stage of the admission hunting war. I was however, not sure of the particular range above 200 my score would fall into: whether it would be 201 or 299, I couldn’t say, I just knew that based on my level of preparation, I could not score below 200. But I wanted to score very high, at least in the range of 250 - 270 to boost my chances of gaining admission that year. So I met a friend who was into exams runs and he promised to forward some answers to my phone on the day of the exam as far as I can manage to take my phone into the exam hall. I knew that might be a problem, but I still assured him that I would be with my phone and he should perform his magic as promised!

On the day of the exam, I arrived at the exam centre with my Motorola phone (the one called ‘Opolo Eye’) in my pocket with confidence, smiling at my evil intentions. As I got closer to the gate of the venue, I saw people gathered outside, not wanting to go in and I wondered why. I managed to get a peek and discovered that stern looking security men were at the gate thoroughly searching candidates for phones and other exhibits. Any phone found on any candidate was instantly smashed as we had been warned to drop our phones and other exhibits before approaching them to be searched. I then noticed that the people gathered outside had evil intentions too but did not know how to beat the security. Soon, Ideas started coming in; the ladies began to throw their phones into their panties and the guys who wore pants did the same. Those were not putting on pants had to use their shoes (metal detectors were not used for the search). Unfortunately, I wore neither pants nor shoe. I was putting on one big boxer short and sandals. So as people to troop in with that trick, I was left outside still thinking of what to do. And then an idea came…

I decided that I wasn’t going to hide my phone! Crazy hun? I brought out my handkerchief, wrapped the phone, held it in my hands and walked through the gate to be searched. And so they searched and searched and searched but found nothing. They even searched my wallet (imagine, for phone!). Meanwhile, I was holding the phone in my hands, wrapped with my handkerchief. I even wiped my face with the ‘handkerphone’ to clear any doubts. The security man was surprise that he found nothing because I was very nervous. So he searched again and I wiped my face with my ‘handkerphone’ again… He had to let me go after the second round of searching. That was how I escaped. Since then, I have never doubted my capacity to turn ‘stones to bread’. The answers didn’t come as expected but that is a story for another day. In fact, I got some of the answers while I was sleeping at home that evening after the exams. Lol…

Ok, I was heading somewhere; the intention of this story is prove that the best way to hide a valuable or a personal effect is to not hide it at all! Put it in an open but less conspicuous place and leave it there with confidence. This has been my practice after my jamb experience. I began to wonder why it was so easy to just walk in with my phone and then I realised, after other  experiences that people expect you to keep your valuables (cash, gold, necklaces etc) in the farthest and darkest of places. The problem with this strategy is that these things always get found if the search is done by a detailed and thorough person, and those people who are after your valuables, unfortunately, are very detailed and thorough. You would be surprised at the amount of ground they can cover in 10 minutes. My parents leave in a bushy environment in Ota and they have been victims of burglars many times. But there was a time when my dad left some cash in a book on his reading table. The burglars turned the places where they expect cash to be upside down but found nothing! But there was cash on the table smiling at them. They eventually left with nothing. No burglar would expect that the cup on the dining table would contain N100,000 or the beverage tin in the kitchen would be keeping your jewelleries or that your trash can is actually a cash can. Who would expect that your laptop would be in the fridge???

I think this strategy would work for you if you have issues of friends pouncing on your valuables at the slightest possible opportunity. Just make sure it is not too obvious. Look around you for places that you would usually overlook if you were a thief with limited time. You can hide your phone in your bag of garri while taking your bath. I heard the story of a guy whose phones were stolen while he was taking his bath. His garri would have saved him there. So, think about it and let me know what you think.

Disclaimer: The suggestion here is just a crazy idea that popped up while I was taking a nap yesterday. I would not be liable for any laptop that goes bad because it was kept in a fridge or any phone that is mistakenly thrown in hot water along with the garri. The stories though, are TRUE.