My First Day At Work...

My first day at work was a mixture of experiences for me. At some point I was happy, at other times during the day I was not so happy and for a major part of the day I was lost in deep thoughts. I know you would expect me to be totally happy and in a celebratory mood throughout the day but that’s me for you; even I, don’t totally understand myself.

 

My reasons for being happy are quite obvious and I don’t need to emphasize it. Getting a good job in a firm of your choice without the natural long legs required in Nigeria is something to be happy and thankful to God for, and each time I remember that I had been in the factory (pushing trucks 10 times heavier than myself) before the job came, it makes the joy sometimes tearful… I would not deny that I am happy; but I would also not deny that I am not totally happy….

Like I said before, most of the day was spent in deep thoughts and unhappy ruminations. I am a philosophical person by nature and usually like to understand the why behind the why. I like to take things beyond face value and extrapolate on my perception of life and existence. I was unhappy because I had deep questions that had not been answered. Questions I thought that this job would answer… I discovered that the job only answered the question of survival and not purpose, It provided a career path but I doubt if I would totally be satisfied even though I know that this is what I’ve always wanted to do. Don’t get me wrong. My lack of satisfaction does not stem from lack of passion for the job but from my lack of understanding of life. I wondered why we have to go through this rat race that seem unchanging - Go to school, get a job, work, work, work and of course, die. I sometimes peep into my possible future and wondered what it would be like. I fear that I might not be satisfied with comfort ( I still want to be comfortable though) nor wealth. I fear that the woman I would marry might not have answers to my questions and that my kids might be influenced by this nature of mine…

I don’t know if I’m passing a message across but I just don’t know of a better way to relate this. I want answers but I don’t even know the right questions to ask. When I was in school, I was given the notion that that success in school would make things easy for me in the future. But that’s a big lie, nothing is getting easy. I’m being given more books to read, more exams to take and of course, work to do in addition. My question is – when will all these stop? Is there an end? What’s the end point? Why does it have to be this way? What’s the goal? What do we intend to achieve?

I do have some answers but I’m not satisfied. There’s this void that I have to fill and nothing seems to be big enough to fill it. Not even food. lol… But seriously, I agree with Socrates that “an unexamined life is not worth living”. There’s something I have to do, but I don’t know what it is. I wish I could live this life another way. What’s the reason for our existence? Until I answer this question, I might just have to make do with what I have – my job! Like I said before, I love this job; the pressure, the tasks, the fun....

Thank God for my life…