Dreams are Achievable - part 1

I wrote and published my first book at the age of 12. I was in JS 2 then, very intelligent and passionate about literature and arts in general. I was the best in my class when it came to articles, compositions and letter writing. I was so good that I didn’t need to exert any effort before flooring everyone with my write up. There was one time when I had an issue with my English teacher and she gave me some spanking; about 2 slaps actually, after which she gave us an exercise to write an informal letter. I was angry with her and decided that I would write the worst letter she had ever seen or read. So I settled down and started writing what my mind called a very terrible letter. Within minutes I was through and flung my book at her (Just kidding - I actually submitted humbly), together with other students. The next period she returned to class and complained of how disappointed she was at our letters, I smiled in my mind. She continued with the bashing and at the end, said she was going to read the letter she considered the best. Your guess is as good as mine; yes, she read my letter. I was so furious, I didn’t understand why I couldn’t even intentionally fail a common letter. 

I cooked!

I have a couple of strong points, especially on the home front. For example, I am good at keeping the home clean and looking after kids; although there was a time when a neighbour’s 2 year old that I was supposed to look after found itself in the middle of the road pursuing its ball, I still believe I am good at looking after kid as that was just a one-time incident. And in case you are wondering, the kid didn’t die! Unfortunately, of all my numerous home front strong points, cooking was just not and has never been one of them! I hated cooking to the bone and I just can’t fathom why. I just know that it was one boring chore that I hate – along with doing the dishes actually.

My Valentine's Day Experience

This year would have taken me to the pinnacle of my love career; unfortunately, it didn’t!!!

I woke up this morning (Feb. 14) with three lovely options for a val. Lucky me right??? I have always believed in the prophecies of my pastor, Pastor … okay you don’t need to know his name. But when he said it, during our 31^st night service that somebody would be 3 times lucky this year, I knew he was talking to me and of course I responded in faith - My “Amen” was the loudest!

And so as my faith would have it, I met Mary, Blessing and Ayo (such weird combination abi?) in quick succession in January this year and they quickly fell in line – Did I tell you I was a charmer? Now it’s good you know the positions of the three ladies. Mary was the main “chick” while Blessing and Ayo were the "side chickens”! Of course you wouldn't be dumb enough to want to ask why Mary is the main chick, would you??? She was the mother of Jesus for Christ sake! How could she not be the main chick! Well, she had other “main chick” qualities though which gave her the first position – but I can’t say it here, it’s a secret no guy wants to let out! Blessing was “side chick" no. 1 while Ayo was "side chick" no. 2 – more of a corner chick though. Now Blessing didn’t know she was a side chick but Ayo had an inkling that she was a "corner chick" but didn’t complain or look too deep – she loved the monthly movies, fast food and other stuffs like that – "you know na".

I have never kept a resolution

I know I have been away for a very long time and you are probably angry with me. I am sorry. That is why i decided to do one last post before the final seconds of 2014 ticks out. Enjoy!!!

A colleague of mine inquired of my resolutions for the year 2015. It was a question that threw me off balance (kind off) as I never gave it any thought before then. But then I remembered, that my 2013 resolution was to stop making resolutions! Interestingly, this is the only resolution I have kept. I don’t know what you think (I would really love to know though) but I think it was/ has been one of the best resolutions I have made since I was born. Don’t get me wrong my dear; I hope to improve in 2015 and do great things but I ain't gonna tie myself to some difficult behavioural goals which I have always failed to achieve since I was a kid. You are free to term me irresponsible and childish.

The Return of the Visitor

I cannot vividly remember the last time it visited. I think I was still in Secondary school then; basking in the flamboyance of my teenage pride (that was just to challenge Wole Soyinka, hehehe…). The visit was however short-lived as I managed to get a hold of it and overpower it’s disgraceful intent; knocking it out flat in the opening rounds (it was not aware of my Mohammed Alistic butterfly skills). It left angry, I saw the anger on its texture before pushing down it with large buckets of water to its rightful position. How it managed not to stay there, I can’t tell. 10 years later it returned, with so much fury. I never knew it still harbored that rage and wicked revengeful thoughts, waiting patiently for the opportunity to strike back – and the opportunity did come! This time its attack was stronger, leaving no room for failure on its part; its sting was bitter, carrying so much force. My skills were nowhere to be found – you wouldn’t blame me though, I had past my prime. Did it succeed then? – You would find out soon…

This World is full of Risk!

This world is risky.  I often feel that this is an understatement; this world is the definition of risk! It is so risky that it would be too risky for us not to acknowledge that fact. Risk, they say, is the possibility that things would not go as plan. If we are to go with that definition, then you would agree with me that this world is risk personified cos it is currently not going according to plan. In Nigeria, this risk is heightened a thousand fold as our own world is just upside down! We only survive, by the Grace of God!

The Loventures of Adewale 2

Please read part one here.

Wale’s heartbeat dropped drastically and even stopped for a moment. It was not the reply he had hoped for. Prior to the call he had recited the event and role-played the sequence in his mind and everything was supposed to be in his favour - at least that was the conclusion he derived from his fantasies. Wale was an ambitious fantasizer; he had gone as far as fantasizing himself and Kemi holding hands and walking through the school compound and then having fun at the beach. At the height of his fantasies, Wale had kissed Kemi!

That evening while the fantasies were concocted in his thoughts, Wale was watching TV in the sitting room with his parents and siblings, when his mother noticed that he suddenly began to smile profusely and bend his neck;

The Loventures of Adewale

Wale’s heart was beating fast, so fast that he thought it was going to race out of his chest. His hands were sweating profusely, threatening to drown his Nokia 3310® but not as much as the ocean of salty liquid that had gathered on his chest and armpit. It was almost a minute since he got the “what is it” response to his “I want to tell you something” statement and he was still struggling to find his voice, it was another definition of dumbness. In that tense and fearful state, he managed to mumble some words after a while. “What did you say?” Kemi queried instantly. Kemi was the active and lively type, always with friends, never afraid to challenge anybody and never ashamed to utter her views. She was the opposite of Wale.

The Best Way to Hide your Valuables

Some years ago, I was billed to take the Joint Admission and Matriculation Board’s Exam. I was very prepared and very sure that I would score above 200 marks, which was the minimum cut- off for progression unto the next stage of the admission hunting war. I was however, not sure of the particular range above 200 my score would fall into: whether it would be 201 or 299, I couldn’t say, I just knew that based on my level of preparation, I could not score below 200. But I wanted to score very high, at least in the range of 250 - 270 to boost my chances of gaining admission that year. So I met a friend who was into exams runs and he promised to forward some answers to my phone on the day of the exam as far as I can manage to take my phone into the exam hall. I knew that might be a problem, but I still assured him that I would be with my phone and he should perform his magic as promised!

Short poem - The past beget the future!?

Okay people, I know It's been long since I updated this blog. It's not my fault - I've been so busy and tired. Tired to the extent that I wore the back of my shirt to work and did not notice until I got to the office. Imagine the intensity of the tiredness! I noticed though that people kept giving me that surprising look but nobody was bold enough to approach me. I interpreted their glances to mean that they admired my looks - I actually, was feeling fly. chai! I pity myself! Anyway, today, I'll be doing a poem.

This poem came to me in one of my sober moments - I actually do have lots of sober moments. That's where most of my posts come from. This one however, came from a very sober moment. Infact, when I wrote this poem, I was more sober than what the word 'sober' meant in the dictionary. A lot of us, including me, really want to do things differently. We want to change; at least from good to better (I would not agree that I am bad, mbanu!). But you see, habits (whether good or bad) are not so easy to kill. In short, if you are not careful, they would turn around to kill you!

So... as I was saying... Just Enjoy!

THE PAST BEGETS THE FUTURE...

This shall be the last

The last of all my past
A past that overshadows the present
And attempts to creep into the future
A past that has refused to die
But has the future in its eye

How can it be my past?

When it still holds me in its grip
And torments me with its whip
Its guilty feelings I cannot cast
And its dark memories fill my nostrils

But it can be my last…

Yes I can put it in the past
I can tie on my shoe lace
And take my future to its place
A place dissected from the past
The last of which I just passed

But if past begets the future

Then I have not seen the last
The last of a misdirected past…
 

I hope this made you sober, like I was when I wrote it!

The Gospel of my existence

Like play, like play, 2013 has come and gone (or would soon go). I envisage that everyone would be in the mood of stock-taking, resolution making (that would obviously not be kept) and joyful celebrations as they hope to encroach into 2014. I intended a very serious post to end the year but changed my mind. I getting too serious these days... So, for your 'enjoytainment', I came up with this post. It's not going to leave you in a state of rib cracking laughter but it's something you would enjoy...

This world is not simple...

There are no simple things in this life. Things are simple because we assume them to be. If we take out time to look deeply, just beneath the facade, we would discover that things are just as complicated as the other complicated models we’ve rejected. Nothing is simple; even black and white, the most natural colours are not so natural if we look deeply. If we look closely, we would discover that the natural colour we call black is made up of a host of other colours, blended together in complex unity. We know this but we are afraid of the complexness of the complexities. We just want to get things over with even when we know there’s more.

Nostalgia - My most embarrassing moment...

If you make enquiries from a lot of people as to their most embarrassing moment, they would likely share somewhat similar stories. For most guys, their most embarrassing moment would likely be when a girl turned them down in public. I strongly believe (even without research),that this is applicable to 60% of Nigerian guys.  Although I do not think it should be embarrassing, a lot of guys seem to feel it is. For me, getting turned down by a girl is perfectly normal even if it was in a stadium and attracted a lot of attention. I, however, cannot actually say how painful or embarrassing it is cos no lady has been bold enough to turn me down, even in private.  However, before you applaud my record, it would be good for you to know that since I was born, I have never wooed any lady, It has always been the other way round, hence the record. It is even getting to the stage that fellow guys are now coming after me. If you think I’m lying, read about my encounter with a gay here.

I am not a Jealous Lover... Part 2

You can read part one here

The second stage or type of jealousy associated with my love personality is termed ‘jealousy of the second order’ which in biological terms is called ‘jealousy de orden segundo’. Jealousy of the second order is not as intense as ‘jealousy de prima orden’ but it is very aggressive. It is usually, but not always, purposefully aroused by the jealousee. The jealousee in question this time is already mine, unlike in jealousy of the first order. Jealousy de orden segundo may also be aroused by a foolish cheating jealousee… Hmmm…

My First Day At Work...

My first day at work was a mixture of experiences for me. At some point I was happy, at other times during the day I was not so happy and for a major part of the day I was lost in deep thoughts. I know you would expect me to be totally happy and in a celebratory mood throughout the day but that’s me for you; even I, don’t totally understand myself.

 

Feelings of Nostalgia - My mama's armoury

I grew up in a Christian home and my parents were staunch believers in the ‘spare the rod and spoil the child’ verse of the bible. In fact, no day goes by without that verse being quoted by my mum or dad, but mostly my dad. My mum was usually the enforcer of the verse. It was some sort of an arrangement; my dad would quote the verse in faith all day but like stubborn demons, we wouldn’t bulge because we knew that he was bluffing, but my mama was no bluffer, she was the activator of my dad’s faith in that verse. So each time my dad spoke the word, we would quickly turn to see if the ‘holy spirit’ (mama) was around to activate it.

My first 'corporate' interview

I attended my first post graduate interview yesterday and it was ...phew! I purposely incorporated the word 'corporate' in the title because it was not actually my first interview. I've had other interviews for teaching, sales boy, 'Danfo' driving etc but this was the first major sensible one with prospects of a good pay. As usual, I would not pass on a good opportunity to learn something new cos for me, each encounter and event is an opportunity to learn and become better. Now I don't want to be selfish in this case cos I know most of us are job hunting. So i'll reveal my experience and the lessons learnt.

The interview was for a bank job (Name withheld for security reasons) and it was conducted at their headquarters in Victoria Island, lagos. Now if you are going for an interview in a corporate

The 'What Next?' Question.....

Thank God my NYSC year is over. A lot of persons were not aware that I was serving and of the lot that knew, only a few are aware that I am through. For me, NYSC was no big deal and there was no need publicising. Unlike some persons, I hardly uploaded NYSC photos (I think I uploaded only three camp pictures) on facebook and did not even bother filling my album with hardcopies - just to tell you how low it ranked in my scale of importance. This reminds me of a  guy in camp that took pictures over every little action - includin reflex actions. He took pictures while he was sleeping, marching, eating, bathing, sneezing etc until he couldn't pay anymore and began to hide. His face was on every photographers stand. Nobody pitied him, not even the photographers.

Back to the issue at hand. It is quite surprising (to me) to see that the question on every one's lips is what next after NYSC. I read people's status and tweets and

What drives you...?

Different people are driven or motivated by different things. Most people are self-driven or sellf-motivated (I don't know how that works but I envy them). Others are driven (according to my books) by goals, a challenge, success, accomplishments, etc. For me, I discovered recently that all my life, I have been driven by fear. Yes, fear...

Most of my successes have been motivated by one fear or the other - Fear of rejection, fear of failure, fear of dissappointing my loved ones, ...fear of responsibility. I have actually succeeded in accomplishing most tasks by being afraid of one thing or the other and I'm beginning to wonder these days if fear is such a bad thing afterall... What drives you? 

I no wan do again...

Since my childhood days, I've always longed to become a man, though my reasons where mostly childish and selfish: I had this erroneous misconception that as a man, i could whatever i wanted and get away with it! Who would blame me then, i noticed that my parents were never whipped even when they were in the wrong. I always envied them for that! Imagine also that unlike we kids, my dad was always served on breakable plates with at least three pieces of meat while