I cooked!

I have a couple of strong points, especially on the home front. For example, I am good at keeping the home clean and looking after kids; although there was a time when a neighbour’s 2 year old that I was supposed to look after found itself in the middle of the road pursuing its ball, I still believe I am good at looking after kid as that was just a one-time incident. And in case you are wondering, the kid didn’t die! Unfortunately, of all my numerous home front strong points, cooking was just not and has never been one of them! I hated cooking to the bone and I just can’t fathom why. I just know that it was one boring chore that I hate – along with doing the dishes actually.

Short poem - The past beget the future!?

Okay people, I know It's been long since I updated this blog. It's not my fault - I've been so busy and tired. Tired to the extent that I wore the back of my shirt to work and did not notice until I got to the office. Imagine the intensity of the tiredness! I noticed though that people kept giving me that surprising look but nobody was bold enough to approach me. I interpreted their glances to mean that they admired my looks - I actually, was feeling fly. chai! I pity myself! Anyway, today, I'll be doing a poem.

This poem came to me in one of my sober moments - I actually do have lots of sober moments. That's where most of my posts come from. This one however, came from a very sober moment. Infact, when I wrote this poem, I was more sober than what the word 'sober' meant in the dictionary. A lot of us, including me, really want to do things differently. We want to change; at least from good to better (I would not agree that I am bad, mbanu!). But you see, habits (whether good or bad) are not so easy to kill. In short, if you are not careful, they would turn around to kill you!

So... as I was saying... Just Enjoy!

THE PAST BEGETS THE FUTURE...

This shall be the last

The last of all my past
A past that overshadows the present
And attempts to creep into the future
A past that has refused to die
But has the future in its eye

How can it be my past?

When it still holds me in its grip
And torments me with its whip
Its guilty feelings I cannot cast
And its dark memories fill my nostrils

But it can be my last…

Yes I can put it in the past
I can tie on my shoe lace
And take my future to its place
A place dissected from the past
The last of which I just passed

But if past begets the future

Then I have not seen the last
The last of a misdirected past…
 

I hope this made you sober, like I was when I wrote it!

My First Day At Work...

My first day at work was a mixture of experiences for me. At some point I was happy, at other times during the day I was not so happy and for a major part of the day I was lost in deep thoughts. I know you would expect me to be totally happy and in a celebratory mood throughout the day but that’s me for you; even I, don’t totally understand myself.

 

The 'What Next?' Question.....

Thank God my NYSC year is over. A lot of persons were not aware that I was serving and of the lot that knew, only a few are aware that I am through. For me, NYSC was no big deal and there was no need publicising. Unlike some persons, I hardly uploaded NYSC photos (I think I uploaded only three camp pictures) on facebook and did not even bother filling my album with hardcopies - just to tell you how low it ranked in my scale of importance. This reminds me of a  guy in camp that took pictures over every little action - includin reflex actions. He took pictures while he was sleeping, marching, eating, bathing, sneezing etc until he couldn't pay anymore and began to hide. His face was on every photographers stand. Nobody pitied him, not even the photographers.

Back to the issue at hand. It is quite surprising (to me) to see that the question on every one's lips is what next after NYSC. I read people's status and tweets and

What drives you...?

Different people are driven or motivated by different things. Most people are self-driven or sellf-motivated (I don't know how that works but I envy them). Others are driven (according to my books) by goals, a challenge, success, accomplishments, etc. For me, I discovered recently that all my life, I have been driven by fear. Yes, fear...

Most of my successes have been motivated by one fear or the other - Fear of rejection, fear of failure, fear of dissappointing my loved ones, ...fear of responsibility. I have actually succeeded in accomplishing most tasks by being afraid of one thing or the other and I'm beginning to wonder these days if fear is such a bad thing afterall... What drives you? 

I no wan do again...

Since my childhood days, I've always longed to become a man, though my reasons where mostly childish and selfish: I had this erroneous misconception that as a man, i could whatever i wanted and get away with it! Who would blame me then, i noticed that my parents were never whipped even when they were in the wrong. I always envied them for that! Imagine also that unlike we kids, my dad was always served on breakable plates with at least three pieces of meat while

IT'S TIME FOR STOCK-TAKING 2

You can read part 1 here: http://avictomama.blogspot.in/2012/12/its-time-for-stock-taking-1.html?m=1

Like I said before, in this part, i shall present the results of the evaluation conducted on myself for the year. As regards life and experiences over a period, stock-taking must be holistic. It must be a complete evaluation of all aspects of your life - physical, spiritual, financial, to mention a few...

In the year 2012, my physche did not improve a bit. I did not grow taller (not dat I was expecting to) neither did I grow fatter. The later is becoming worrisome. I had envisaged that by now, i would have been able to cover a large percentage of my bones with flesh but i failed woefully. I know you would want to encourage me to eat more but i've tried eating all the junk which obese people are suppose to avoid but the result was still negative. There was a time i did nothing but eat and sleep for a whole week. My brother, the result - negative! I have given up on that aspect and have resigned to God for a miracle.

My spiritual life did not experience any real improvement, instead, i 'slided back'. Attending church services was like attending a burial service; reading the bible was like reading a 900 page medical journal; prayers... Hmmm; even my sober early mornin fellowship i used to enjoy, died. I hope to improve on this aspect next year.

Relationship wise, I think I did well. I made more friends (and also enemies) and met lots of new (and ugly) faces. There was no real romantic relationship after the last one ended early this year. But i can confess to a few romantic encounters with individuals i can not boldly call my girlfriends (not that it is even a problem). I have already schedule the 'thoughts' of marriage to five years from now. I am thus not disappointed at my relationship status - I am still SINGLE! Applications are welcomed though!

Financially... I had a high hopes early this year about the things I needed or wanted and quite painfully, some of them are still hanging. Not that I didn't make enough 'dough' (that's why its painful) but a lot of financial miscalculations sunk them. From all my hussles, I made over 200k this year (including NYSC allawee) but i still could not get my laptop as budgeted, no thanks to financial 'igbo smoking'. Sometimes I wonder the kind of Accountant I am!

I made a lot of resolutions at the beginning of this year but I kept none. I have made a resolution to stop making resolutions! Now although, in general, the results of my evaluation was poor, I did make a few achievements which I am grateful to God for!

I evaluated other aspects of my life but i cant post them here. Being a blogger doesn't deny me a right to privacy - does it? I have only tried to encourage you here to do a little stock taking of your life. You dont have to tell me the results, its personal. Like I said in part one, every experience presents an opportunity to learn. You can only grab that opportunity when that experience is evaluated. Yes, there are some experiences you want to forget but what of the lessons? The past cannot get you to your destination, but it can be of great help in getting you there!