I have never kept a resolution

I know I have been away for a very long time and you are probably angry with me. I am sorry. That is why i decided to do one last post before the final seconds of 2014 ticks out. Enjoy!!!

A colleague of mine inquired of my resolutions for the year 2015. It was a question that threw me off balance (kind off) as I never gave it any thought before then. But then I remembered, that my 2013 resolution was to stop making resolutions! Interestingly, this is the only resolution I have kept. I don’t know what you think (I would really love to know though) but I think it was/ has been one of the best resolutions I have made since I was born. Don’t get me wrong my dear; I hope to improve in 2015 and do great things but I ain't gonna tie myself to some difficult behavioural goals which I have always failed to achieve since I was a kid. You are free to term me irresponsible and childish.

Short poem - The past beget the future!?

Okay people, I know It's been long since I updated this blog. It's not my fault - I've been so busy and tired. Tired to the extent that I wore the back of my shirt to work and did not notice until I got to the office. Imagine the intensity of the tiredness! I noticed though that people kept giving me that surprising look but nobody was bold enough to approach me. I interpreted their glances to mean that they admired my looks - I actually, was feeling fly. chai! I pity myself! Anyway, today, I'll be doing a poem.

This poem came to me in one of my sober moments - I actually do have lots of sober moments. That's where most of my posts come from. This one however, came from a very sober moment. Infact, when I wrote this poem, I was more sober than what the word 'sober' meant in the dictionary. A lot of us, including me, really want to do things differently. We want to change; at least from good to better (I would not agree that I am bad, mbanu!). But you see, habits (whether good or bad) are not so easy to kill. In short, if you are not careful, they would turn around to kill you!

So... as I was saying... Just Enjoy!

THE PAST BEGETS THE FUTURE...

This shall be the last

The last of all my past
A past that overshadows the present
And attempts to creep into the future
A past that has refused to die
But has the future in its eye

How can it be my past?

When it still holds me in its grip
And torments me with its whip
Its guilty feelings I cannot cast
And its dark memories fill my nostrils

But it can be my last…

Yes I can put it in the past
I can tie on my shoe lace
And take my future to its place
A place dissected from the past
The last of which I just passed

But if past begets the future

Then I have not seen the last
The last of a misdirected past…
 

I hope this made you sober, like I was when I wrote it!

This world is not simple...

There are no simple things in this life. Things are simple because we assume them to be. If we take out time to look deeply, just beneath the facade, we would discover that things are just as complicated as the other complicated models we’ve rejected. Nothing is simple; even black and white, the most natural colours are not so natural if we look deeply. If we look closely, we would discover that the natural colour we call black is made up of a host of other colours, blended together in complex unity. We know this but we are afraid of the complexness of the complexities. We just want to get things over with even when we know there’s more.

I no wan do again...

Since my childhood days, I've always longed to become a man, though my reasons where mostly childish and selfish: I had this erroneous misconception that as a man, i could whatever i wanted and get away with it! Who would blame me then, i noticed that my parents were never whipped even when they were in the wrong. I always envied them for that! Imagine also that unlike we kids, my dad was always served on breakable plates with at least three pieces of meat while

I'M UNDER INTENSE PRESSURE...

I made no resolutions this year. Basically cos I've not been able to keep any resolution I've made since I was born. The reasons for this, I dont know. Maybe laziness on my part or insincerity or... I just cant fathom. I, thus, sincerely, resolved not to be making anymore resolutions! But I did make a prayer...

I prayed that God grant me the grace to contribute positively to people's lives this year. First, my immediate family members and then, others around me. This prayer was wrought out of my passion for suffering people, whether less privileged or not. I hate to see people suffer and so each day I pray for the grace to make people smile by contributing to their needs in whatever capacity. After prayin this prayer for so long, I decided, on the 31st of dec last year to make it my 'praysolution' for the year 2013 (since i had developed a talent for failing to keep resolutions).

The problem now is that there so many people within and outside my circle with so many needs includin me! Of course I can sacrifice the things I need to put smiles on people's faces but the more I've done that, the more the faces are multiplying. It is even now becoming increasingly difficult to maintain the smile on my own face.

What am I saying? Summary - I want to help people and make them happy. Apart from it being my praysolution for the year 2013, it also is who I feel I am. But I also have needs and the more I am looking into people's problems, the more it is becoming difficult to solve mine. And I know for sure that I cannot put smiles on other people's faces when I am frowning. I am at a dilenma here...