I no wan do again...

Since my childhood days, I've always longed to become a man, though my reasons where mostly childish and selfish: I had this erroneous misconception that as a man, i could whatever i wanted and get away with it! Who would blame me then, i noticed that my parents were never whipped even when they were in the wrong. I always envied them for that! Imagine also that unlike we kids, my dad was always served on breakable plates with at least three pieces of meat while

we get to share one. The height of it was that he could walk up to the pot at anytime. But it was not just about the food, he could whip me at anytime he felt i was wrong and nothing would happen. To me, adults were gods and i couldn't wait to be one.

Interestingly, as I write this, that time has come but its like 'i don't want to do again!' Adulthood is starring me in the face but fear would not allow me look back. The whole thing seem strange and different from what i imagined as a child and i am beginning to feel that this whole thing could be 'ojoro'! Quite frankly, if u ask me, i don't want to be a man again (let my dad continue, I'm no more envious). In fact, if given the chance, I'ld run back to the delicious days of childhood, straight to my mama's arms and yes, i wouldn't mind doing another round of breast feeding!

I still cannot understand the reasons for this new wave of doubt, but i do know that if my dad's position is presented to me on a platter, i would not as much as touch it with a ten metre pole. How is it that something i have so dreamt of and eagerly waited for is turning out to be one nightmare i dont want to have? For a couple of days i've asked myself this question and i've come to realise a number of things.

One of them is that the meaning of the dictum- "with great authority comes great responsibility" is beginning to become clearer. I'm beginning to realise that wielding such powers could be fun (you can eat ten meats if you like...), but the responsibilities that follows are no fun (...you'ld have to pay for them). Like an adage in my village says: "a man certainly enjoys sleeping with his wife but would most likely repulse at the need to pay school fees". I've been considering my actions and decisions lately and quite frankly, i fear that i may not be able to assume that level of responsibility, at least not yet!

I've also come to realise that the world of an independent man is totally different from what i've experienced. It is a world where you might need to act impulsively, a world where decision making is sometimes spontaneous, a world where you are responsible for your actions! Yes, in the world of adulthood, your parents are mostly spectators, watching from the stands and being able to offer only a few words of advice. Can i survive in this world?

Lastly, i've come to realise that all these fears could likely have arisen from the absense of a particular fundamental item - preparation! I've obviously failed to prepare. I've had these dreams of what it should be like, but failed to prepare for the inevitable hurdles that would surface in achieving them. I realise now that i've failed to put in place structures that would enable me survive the tides of adult infancy. I remember how i religiously dodged questions that would have exposed my inadequacies with responses like; 'e dey God hand o' and 'na God we dey look o'. The same responses most of us still offer today. It is good that we put issues in God's hands but it is also necessary that we are ready on our own end.

I've expressed these concerns as thoughts on my mind but make no mistake, i'm equally expressing the thoughts running through the minds of millions of Nigerian youths. We are usually thrown into the battle ground unprepared and halfbaked, without the necessary tools, armed only with our exurberance and quite unfortunately, we end up being beaten and battered by the throes of adulthood.

Adulthood, manhood, manship or anything you call it is inevitable. You cannot escape it no matter how hard you try, except maybe you die young (i think i prefer the former). The only reasonable thing to do is prepare! Arm yourself with whats necessary cos one day, you'ld have to fend for yourself (you can then decide to eat on shiny 'glass' plates with ten pieces of meats); one day, you'ld have to leave your parents and maybe cleave to something (not necessarily a woman, could be man); one day, ...you would become a man, and like my friends would say, when that time comes, you'ld have to prove your manship!
I pray God helps me!!!